You Found Me
Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009~ December happenings! ~December has been one fast and crazy month. Done loads of stuff, ate loads of good food and became really really tired. Haha. Even though I've been resting 6 hours everyday, it never does seem enough. =S In 20 mins or so, it will be the last day of 2009 and this year... has been pretty interesting. Many emotional periods, even up till today. Many memorial moments and days. Many 21sts and needless to say, tons of cakes. =) And now, many new resolutions to make. In this coming year, I must learn how to have no expectations on top of my usual resolutions of being a better person, and working hard. This year, I have experienced a few times how expectation can lead to such hurting disappointment. And there's no point expecting anything from anyone because what you think should be may not be reciprocal for the other party. So now, I must teach myself how not to have expectations. Other than that... it's too long a list to type so I'm just going to briefly talk about what this Dec has been for me. Haha. Caroling, trainings, Chingay practices, meeting with besties, and sec and jc classmates, and many more family outings that before. ^.^ Want to pick out Marina's Club Seafood restaurant in particular. Was there on Monday evening to celebrate my mum's birthday. The food was worth its price I felt. And the meal left me very happy. =D Here are some pictures!  Think if given a chance, I'd love to go back there to try again. Maybe this time in the afternoon so as to catch their lunch deals. Haha. Well, my eyes are closing on me, think I shall hit the bed. Good night everyone! Wednesday, December 23, 2009~ a clearer mind ~After being a frog for a night, I awoke this morning with a much clearer mind which made me felt rather immature for my behaviour last night. Friendships aren't determined by whether we stay in hall together but what we want to do even though we aren't all staying in hall anymore. Last night, what upsetted me was when she believed she'll lose all her hall friends once she leaves hall but that's not true. At least not until she chooses not to mix around with us anymore. I know once out of hall, choir will be her main priority in school and has always been the case. And I think this hurt a little too cause I always thought hall was a place where very special friendships build. I mean, besides in hall, where else can you pack breakfast for a friend every morning, sometimes even if it meant just sleeping only 3 hours to wake up in time to pack breakfast, even do her laundry for her and in the midst of hanging it up, break your healing scap over and over again because of the way her bed is positioned? What's more, the three of us decided to do this project TOGETHER because we knew it wasn't going to be easy, but a threesome could complain together, help each other out, and be there for one another. Yet now, all these have become empty promises. That made me sad too! I thought all those effort and pacts made meant a lot more but I was wrong. It couldn't be compared to the late nights together suppering, giving birthday surprises, and the hours spent together doing something you excel at and gain recognition for. So, this morning, I suddenly woke up and thought, what the heck. Who cares about all the effort you've put in for this friendship, it doesn't matter at all when her heart is somewhere else. What's the point of hoping she'll stay cause of the special things hall provided? She'll never be happy anyways. Thus, I shouldn't even have thought about changing her mind and be upset over all the above. I was brought up to never be a quitter. And I think that turned me a little cold hearted but at least I know I'll persevere no matter what. Passion sometimes doesn't come as easily as wished but I believe it can be found. And its a choice. I know once I commit to something, I literally sell my life to it. Haha. BUT, that's me. Not everyone is willing to make the same sacrifices for the same things and she chose not to do so, and as a friend, I should just respect her decision and not have any comments about her reasons for doing so even if i disagree with them. I shouldn't expect my closer friends to be like me and persevere cause not everyone can do that. Hence, I actually felt stupid feeling upset that she decided to take the "quit" route. Haha. Basically, after crying last night, it kinda sorted my thoughts a little. To keep a friendship going is like choosing to clap. We can clap anytime, anywhere, BUT, we'll need both hands. Friendships are the same. It doesn't matter where you are, or what road you choose. If a friend is worth the keep, all it takes is a little effort and time and the friendship will last a long time more. To end off, I'll like to leave a note to this special friend: I know you'll try to finish up whatever responsibilities you're left with and I certainly hope you'll try to lighten our chair's burden by finding a replacement. I got to admit that if you just leave and leave your spot empty, I'd be most disappointed but nonetheless, I'll trust that you have tried your very best. =) Whether or not you choose to stay in hall anymore, I hope we can still keep the threesome friendship going by meeting up periodically. That's provided you feel the friendship is worth the keep of course! haha. And since you've already decided on your course of action, you shouldn't feel like you're struggling anymore right? =) No worries, you hall mates are always here for you, even if you aren't staying anymore cause hall is just a place to spend more time together, not somewhere that determines how long friendships last. =) Whatever your decision, I believe it ain't an easy one and I know it's been through more thought than anyone can imagine. I'm really sorry if anything I said hurt you last night. I should have and will respect your decision. I'm sorry for being such a selfish and immature brat. Hope you'll forgive me. Meanwhile, take care and enjoy caroling! Have fun at home and hope you find my slightly burnt brownie edible! Haha.. *HUGZ* I think my tears have finally found their way home cause they couldn't stop streaming down my face. It hurts to see how fragile a friendship can be. Or how things could suddenly take such a turn. Maybe we can never empathize each others pains and hardships but I thought throughout these 2 and a half years, the effort we've put in to build this friendship could be strong enough to act as some pulling back force but guess I'm wrong. Seems so negligible compared to what others have provided. Seems like its gonna be three-some turned two. Feels like crap. haha. But what should friends do? Let go and support right? Seems like I've been doing that one too many a time in this month of December. Don't have much of a choice though. can only rely on prayer for the strength to be understanding, accepting and kind. Gosh, haven't looked like a frog for some time. Gribbit. Saturday, December 19, 2009~ Dinner with nanny and her family! ~ Time to update about food... AGAIN! hahaha...        These pictures were the food we ate from Shokudo at Raffles City basement. =) I personally felt the food was nice! I especially loved the dessert. Haha... the lady that was making the crepe took a lot of pride doing it and it was warm and crispy when i ate it. So thumbs up for that lady! =D Finally got to watch New Moon yesterday. It was quite a disappointment I must say. Didn't even cry! =S Well, that could be because I didn't watch the first sequel so didn't feel much towards the movie. However, I must say, I felt the beginning was pretty boring. =S Other than that, haven't had much chance to go out. Have been really busy with caroling these few days. And that's going to keep me busy for quite a while. It's a whole day of caroling for me again tomorrow! Ah wells... at least can earn a bit of pocket money I guess. Alrightie, shall update again soon. =) Take care everyone!!! *Sometimes, I wish feelings were like dust. Wish they could simply be swept away under the carpet and hidden forever.* Wednesday, December 16, 2009~ super busy week ~This week is... crazy! Actually, if there wasn't 30th, it wouldn't be so packed. Haven't been training as much as I'd like thanks to 30th comm. Haha... But I guess we did accomplish a bit in the past few days. Was really hoping Fri would be free but not anymore.. =( Caroling practices are like 3 times a week and they always last 3 hours when they're only suppose to be 2 hours long. I think it's sometimes a major waste of time because we actually only do the whole choir combined practice in the last 15 mins! But ah wells... Had a pretty good comm outing yesterday (Mon) and just had a very filling steamboat b'day party for Amelia. Think I had an overdose of salt due to the marination of the fish. Should have just stopped myself from eating the fish. Anyways, tummy feels weird now. Thankfully, the lovely marble cheese cake made up my tummy slightly happier! Haha... Should have left more space for it! HAHA... Well, all the pictures are with rachie so can't upload any now... Guess I'm going to have to turn in soon cause there's netball training at 9am later on, followed by badminton then choir and chingay. Crazy crazy day! Thurs gonna be pretty insane too... but luckily.. I'm meeting my nanny and their family for dinner! Whee! =) Haven't seen them in quite awhile. Guess I'll end here... Good night everyone! Sweet dreams! =) Saturday, December 12, 2009~ D & D ~Had a really satisfying dinner and dessert date with Huiling just now! =) We first headed to this beef kway tiao stall for dinner then headed straight to Miss Clarity Cafe for desserts!! YUMMY! hahaha...  Beef kway tiao! My caramelized apple crumble! $5 Huiling's Mud Ozz! $5 too!The apple crumble dessert was super satisfying for me.. totally wiped out the entire plate! hahaha. *smacks lips*. As for Huiling's mud ooz... its super chocolaty.. like SUPER DUPER chocolaty.. so eating with the ice-cream i think, is a must. haha. But, it's delicious anyhow. ^.^ Well, so guess my dessert craving has officially been satisfied! =) Shall go off now! Good night!!! =) Friday, December 11, 2009~ PS-ed ~I got PS-ed by my ice-cream date last night. =( Was sooooo looking forward to it. Guess the disappointment was due to the expectation. Should have known it was too good to be true. Haha... But well, I'm certain she had a very good reason to PS me... Thankfully I'm meeting Huiling tonight and we're going for D&D! Dinner and desserts! haha... So i shouldn't be sad anymore and MOVE ON. =D If anyone has sudden cravings and want to try marble slab creamery... DATE ME! hahahaha... Take care everyone! =) Wednesday, December 09, 2009~ A rude awakening call ~Not sure if you all remember but there was once I kinda complained about having to step up as SL right? I kinda got this rude "wake-up" call during practice just now. Kinda got a telling off by this senior and I think it was well-deserved. Here's what's going on. As a SL, I'm suppose to forward smses to everyone in my section to notify them of practices and AOB. And as you know, my smses are still limited cause I'm under the old student plan so I have been utilizing the internet sms function to sms all Singtel and Starhub users. As for those who are M1 users, I've been asking people to forward the sms. I know this is kinda cheapskate, but I just didn't see myself as a SL but more of a msg "forwarder". I mean I'm not good enough to teach and thus, the only reason I stepped up was just to pass msgs. So anyhow, there was caroling practice yesterday and today and on both days, the turnout was quite bad. And since I didn't "fully" assume the role of a SL, I didn't exactly "worry" or whatsoever. I mean, I just didn't feel the urge to. Not until today. The senior said this "as an SL, seeing the attendance is so poor, you should try to sms her personally so it'll sound more 'fierce' and more personal" and that struck me really hard. I thought to myself. Since I decided to take up this position, irregardless of how unwilling and still rather unwilling I am, I should still do a good job cause that's what we should all do right. Carry out our responsibilities to the best of our ability. I felt very ashamed at my negligence and ignorance. It just reminded me so much of my haughtiness and arrogance in secondary school until the day my cca teacher-in-charge gave me the same kind of rude awakening call. =( When will I ever learn to be more humble and less selfish? From tonight onwards, I shall try to be a better SL, maybe not in the teaching sense, but in garnering better attendance for practices and caroling if possible. Speaking of caroling, our first public session will be next Friday, 18th Dec, 12.30pm at United Square! Do support the KR Choir if you can! =) I just hope caroling sessions turn out to be a success. Bleah. Shall end here... take care everyone! `When you love someone, and they break your heart, don't give up on love. Have faith, restart. Just hold on... - Hold on by Jonas Brothers Monday, December 07, 2009~ It will all get better in time ~Better in time - Leona Lewis It's been the longest winter without you I didn't know where to turn to See somehow I can't forget you After all that we've been through Going coming Thought I heard a knock Who's there no one Thinking that I deserve it Now I realize that I really didn't know If you didn't notice you mean everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All that I know is I'mma be ok [Chorus:] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time I couldn't turn on the TV Without something there to remind me Was it all that easy To just put aside your feelings If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh Hurt my feelings but that's the path I'll believe in And I know time will heal it If you didn't notice boy you mean everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'mma be ok [Chorus:] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time Since there's no more you and me It's time I let you go So I can be free And live my life how it should be No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you Yes I will [Chorus: x2] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do) It'll all get better in time ~ I'm sorry if I sounded cold and harsh, but I just wanted you to know that things will be a lot easier when you choose to look at it from a different perspective. And life will seem a lot happier if you choose to let small things make you happy. It's really all about choices and that's what keeps me going. I hope you'll be able to find happiness soon. ~ ~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO! ~ To my handsome little brother.. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! =)  May you stay cute always! haha.. *LOVES*Moving on.... I baked Macademia Choc Chip cookies this morn! =)  Turned out not bad actually. Hehe...Feel like trying my sunshine orange cake again but this time, using the RIGHT steps. Hahahaha... Well, guess I'll do it if I ain't feeling too lazy! =) Had a feast at my grands today as usual... Good food always... Going to patu pahat (wonder if i spelt it correctly) for a day shopping trip on the 21st of Dec! Whee!!! =) Hope i manage to get stuff... Alright, shall keep this short. Ciao! =) Sunday, December 06, 2009~ A weekend at home ~Mei Yi's party yesterday was.... great! =) It was all good food and great company. Well... at least for me it was cause I spent quite some time talking bout my concerns and they were nice enough to hear me out. It was a "go for it" or "step back" debate and the conclusion was.. to "step back". Haha... Not that I haven't decided that a long time ago already, but their reassurance and advice made me at peace with my decision. Now I just need time to clear stuff from my messed up brain. Haha... Looking at them yesterday and thinking of those old photos really made me feel amazed how much we've grown. Cheryl - a whole lot sexier Cindy - still as pretty and ladylike as ever plus maturing with grace. haha.. Minfeng - still very petite, looks quite the same but prettier.. =) Mei yi - looks like a jap/china doll with her new bangs but on the whole, getting much prettier... Si hui (wasn't around cause she's ill, hope she's well already! but still, my thoughts included her. haha) - still as pretty as before but with a super cool tan. haha...  Well, cheers to my dearest babes! =) *HUGZ*Friday, December 04, 2009~ HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY DADDY!!! ~ On 2nd of Dec, my dad officially turned 53. And on 2nd of Dec, super unfilial daughter me, actually forgot to wish him. Well, it was the day before my last paper on the 3rd and I was super stressed about it but I think that's no excuse. So anyhow, I felt really guilty and decided to bake him a cake. I searched for diabetic cake recipes and decided on... SUNSHINE ORANGE CAKE! =D All was going fine until I realise... I MIXED THE STEPS UP!!! ARGH. What a lousy baker I am, couldn't even follow the steps properly. And not to mention, I even had my sis's help! =( Thankfully, it turned out ok in the end. (the pictures below don't look very appetizing but it was very nice. hahaha)    My mummy decided to throw a tantrum and went to the beach club cause my dad had to work OT and we couldn't have dinner together as planned. =( So we're missing one in this family photo. Anyway, here's a special something for my daddy, (pls pardon my lousy poetry skills) - My dad - A man who who doesn't give a damn about what he wears, who always starts his sentence with a "no...", and talks like he wants to pick a fight over the phone, who critics about all the L plate, P plate drivers and red plate drivers, who never fails to critisize my mum's cooking but doesn't know how to cook himself, is actually, beneath all these, an extremely filial son, whom despite not being the favoured child never fails to be the first when grandma/grandpa has a problem, a hardworking and dedicated electrical engineer of PCS, an all-in-one repairman who fixes just about everything in the house, from fridge to washing machines, to computers and dvd players, an honest man who would never cheat on others, and a wonderful dad whose always so supportive of what we do, and whose always willing to sacrifice so we can enjoy better. So, to this wonderful dad, THANK YOU sooo very much. =) May you always be in the pink of health. Love you! ________________________________________________________ Was suppose to head over to meiyi's place for a stayover tonight as a prelude to her b'day party tomorrow but it got cancelled cause the other babes were either too busy or just couldn't make it. =S So to my dearest bestie, please don't be sad k! We'll make it up tomorrow k!! =) Well, guess I'll end here now. Take care everyone!!! =) ~Haircut!!~ I finally got to cut hair!! First time in a salon!! Whee!! haha... Spent like $19.20 in total after discount for a cut (more of trim actually) and a hair wash. First time getting my hair washed in a salon too!! hahaaha... My cake this morning didn't turn out too bad even though I mixed the steps up!! haha.. will update more later! =) Now I wish my hair could stay like that forever. =S OH! and if you noticed, my blog looks slightly different right?? Like the whole thing is bigger? and the dates are centralized now??? GUESS WHY? I EDITED THE HTML CODES MYSELF!!! WOHOO!!!! Felt super accomplished. WHEE. hahahaha =) =) =) Thursday, December 03, 2009~FINALLY, IT'S OVER!!!~ I am soooooo very glad my exams are finally over. It's been just 2 weeks but it seemed like forever. Anyhow, I came to a sudden realization that I have forgotten to wish my dearest daddy happy birthday yesterday!!! I am TERRIBLE. Deserve to be slapped hard. =( So anyways, for the past half an hour or so, I've been trying to find a recipe to bake a cake and redeem myself. =S Hope I get to bake tomorrow and update about it! =) Finally got to go out today and ATE DIM SUM!!! WHEEEEE!!!! Went to this shop in Chinatown (man, i forgot the name of the shop), and here are some pics! =)  Seaweed prawn dumpling  Char Siew Bao  Har Gao Siew Mai Dragon's beard prawn and banana dumplingOverall, I thought it was not too bad, but pretty pricey. Forgot to take picture of 1 carrot cake. The total bill including nuts (felt pretty cheated for that) and 1 lime juice and 1 cup of chinese tea amounted to $22 thereabout! =X But, it definitely satisfied my dim sum cravings! =D Well, after that... had free Starbucks coffee!!! =D And it was just shopping around with my friend. And that ends my day. =) In this post, I would also like to dedicate a few thanks to many special people (other than my family) who have my my semester wonderfully memorable. First, throughout this whole semester in hall, I've had 4 and a half (reason will be explained later. haha) pillars. And here's a little collage of them. =)  A collage of Rachie's present for us - "Sticky" sweets, and free Dreyer's ice-cream thanks to Rachie's wonderful marketing skills with Nestle. =)Thank you my dearest Rach and Ben for listening to all my rants and complaints and troubles and for being my companion for this past semester. =) Thank you dearest Siao Er (here's the half!) who although is in a faraway land still bother to take time to talk to me and show care and concern and listen to my problems in the midst of her tests. I would also like to thank Andy too for being my listening ear to all my troubles and being my study partner for the last few days of exams and Mark for being a great study buddy during the first week of exams. (too bad don't have picture of Siao Er, Andy and Mark =X) Next bunch of people I want to thank dearly are none other than my besties. =)  A collage of our last outing on 29th Sept!Thank you guys for being there for me this semester. Don't think I could have pulled through without you all. Your encouragement and care has really given me strength and every meeting with you guys is something I really look forward too. Despite our vast differences and little topics in common, I'm so glad our friendship still held strong. LOVE you all!!! =) Last but not least, I would like to thank 2 special friends, Huiling and Amelia who have been of great help to me this semester academically. Special mention to Huiling whose been my study partner THROUGHOUT this semester, my main source of company during study breaks, and a steadfast friend. She's brought me many nice memories, bringing me to new places and just being a ultimate sweet friend. She even bothered to wake up early this morning just to wish me luck for my last paper! THANK YOU soooo much babe. =) *hugz*  A collage of some of our happening outings! =)Alrightie, I conclude my longest post ever now... Thank you all for making my life so meaningful and special. *BIGGEST HUG EVER* =) Take care everyone. And if I didn't thank you personally, its not cause I don't appreciate you k! i do LOVE EVERYONE *MUACKS* =) Tuesday, December 01, 2009Time for a short update before I'm off to TRY and study for my LAST module - labour econs! =)This year's exam feels exceptionally long cause its spanned over 3 weeks. Well, not exactly 3 weeks but I've stayed in hall over 3 weekends! Don't know why but this year, I'm really unsure of how I will do. I had a few rather "upsetting" papers but I really hope they won't pull down my grades too much. ARGH. Wonder what's wrong with me this semester. Anyhow, its 1 more day before my last paper and I haven't started studying for it! Which actually means I shouldn't be here updating right. But heck, decided to take a break. Haha. This sem has been one roller-coaster ride. There's been good times and a fair share of bad ones too. But overall, I think I'm growing, finding back that easily amused and easily happy self. I hope you are too. Well..hope I'll come up with more exciting posts soon! Take care everyone!! |